I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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