I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
