Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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