Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
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