I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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