yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
