I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
worst night to have a conscience
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm sobbing to NWA
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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