Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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