Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
