that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
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New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
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Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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