Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize