I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Randomize
