There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
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I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
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The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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