I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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