so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
