You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I bet he comes in French.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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