My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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