I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
