Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
