My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
