Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
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I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
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Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
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