I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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