i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
