well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
