I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
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We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
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Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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