We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
