Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
