i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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