nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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