Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
