Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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