Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
