My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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