Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
All I want is dick and wine.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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