I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I got inside last night via doggy door
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
