so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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