I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
