OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
