having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
