You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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