just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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