yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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