Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
