I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
