youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
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it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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