I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
