I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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