all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
