There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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