my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
