K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
