i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
