Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
This beer is not sobering me up at all
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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