Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
