i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
