I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
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I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
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Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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