I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
