He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize