No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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