Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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