Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I want her autograph on my taint
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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