what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
