I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
he was CRYING into my vagina
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
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