Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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