Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
