yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
