just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
