just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
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she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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