I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
