I must be too annoying 4 u.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He? As in you personified your dick?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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